I often encounter questions in regards to troubles both men and women are having in the bedroom. Everything from vaginal pain to lack of desire. Most times those with questions are trying to find a quick fix to their problem, or have attempted to self diagnose themselves through the internet. (which you should never do!) The most common question I come across is in regards to vaginal pain during sex. There are conditions that can cause vaginal pain during intercourse and some of those conditions are still being researched as to the cause of them. But what I’ve found is often times its not an actual physical problem causing the pain. Its completely mental.
The brain is THE largest sex organ in your body, both for men and women. Especially women, we spend so much time in our heads; worrying, stressed and distracted. You may not even realize how much your outside stresses are affecting your sex life. When we get caught up in what’s happening at work or with your kids or your friends, we put sex on the back burner. And when we do have that opportunity to enjoy a little fun in the sack it may not be all that we’re expecting! EVERYONE is a victim of these mind games, so never think that you’re alone. Every woman and every man experience this at some point or another, even if they are the horniest person alive.
Now I completely understand that its impossible to shut your brain off when your trying to enjoy sex. I struggle too! But being aware of it, is helpful. Assess what is causing your stress and see what you can do about it!
If you’re having trouble within your relationship, address it. Maybe your harboring some anger or resentment for something that happened years back. Or maybe you have something on your mind that you haven’t been able to express to your partner yet. These things will affect your sexual relationship with your partner! Whether you realize it or not.
If you’ve managed to overcome your stresses and are still having trouble with painful sex here are some other things to try, if they don’t work definitely consult with your doctor.
- Use a good water based, ph-balanced lubricant. Vaginal Dryness is common using a lubricant every day can act as a moisturizer for the vaginal walls.
- If you think it maybe caused from tightness, try working your way up! Try using tampons, work your way up to a small vibrator gradually increasing the size. You can also purchase vaginal dilator kits.
- Foreplay is key! It generally takes women 20-30 minutes to get fully aroused. It takes men what…15 seconds?! Don’t leave all the foreplay up to the men though! Do what makes you feel sexy! Wear sexy lingerie, give him an erotic massage, get yourself warmed up before hand! If you partake in foreplay too, he may be more inclined to participate!
If all else fails, consult with your doctor. Vaginal pain is something you should take seriously, sex should be pleasurable! Not painful! There are organizations that specialize on vaginal pain like the National Vulvodynia Association. You can visit their website here: NVA. The NVA also has a HUGE list of links and resources for other places with research on pain. Consult with your doctor FIRST before you self diagnose!
Got any sexual health questions? Or questions in regards to Vaginal Pain? Feel free to submit any questions to the link below: