“I am opening “dream man” clinics around the world where women can create their ideal man from scratch. You supply the data! We will build the man. We have the technology!”
I recently came across that post on a Linkedin group that I’m a member of. I didn’t really think much of it when I looked at it because why would I? I have a really great boyfriend that I’m crazy about, I’ve got my dream man why would I need to have help!? But then as I was browsing the group again today, I came across it again. It struck me as odd. Do we really need a formula to find the perfect man? Is there even a formula to do so? I’ve always found that love comes when you’re least expecting it and in the most unlikely people. You never know who you will meet or what characteristics will actually end up being a part of your dream man.
So if a formula and a clinic aren’t the best strategies for meeting your perfect match or your dream man, how do you meet him?
The best advice I can give anyone is to stop trying to find that perfect person. Perfect doesn’t exist and it will be in the person you least expected to meet and fall for that you will do just that. I never in a million years expected to fall in love with my boyfriend, especially since I knew when we met that he was going to be leaving the country shortly after. I let go of all my expecations, all my rules, my requirements and just let it happen.
Your perfect match is not going to be based on a list of requirements or specifications that we often times make because its what we think we want. Everyone is guilty of it! I am too! I had my list, things I knew I wanted, things I knew I didn’t want. But when I met my boyfriend my lists disappeared. I completely forgot about them. He of course meets a bunch of those things I was always looking for; tall, funny, successful, ambitious. But those things don’t really have any factoring in our relationship. Its more our connection and our chemistry and our excitement for each other, they’re just added features that make me more attracted to him and a bonus that he has all those things!
Letting down my guard was the hardest part. I wanted so desperately to keep up my walls that I had built to avoid getting hurt. I had been hurt one to many times in the past. This is the hardest thing to do, it really is. Letting go of what hurt you in the past is difficult, we cling to it to protect ourselves in the future. I still struggle with it, I allow what happened to me in my past relationships to create insecurities that have no reason to even be there. Its a constant work in progress but once you’ve allowed yourself to let go, it makes love much easier.
Be happy with yourself first! I was extremely happy when I was single. Yeah it got lonely sometimes when you don’t have that partner to connect with emotionally, sexually and spiritually but thats only natural and it also doesn’t mean your not happy. As the saying always goes, you can’t love someone else unless you love yourself first. Its a very true statement. If your happiness is dependant on finding love and another person its not the right kind of love or happiness. I took a lot of time after my last break up to re-coup and re-prioritize. It was a nasty break and a bad relationship. I knew I didn’t want to drag that into my next relationship, that takes time, sometimes longer than you expect! I had to re-learn how to be really happy after that relationship ended. And because I was already happy before I met my boyfriend it allowed my new relationship to focus on us, and not trying to make myself happy first.
Throw out your expectations. Don’t go searching for love, let love come to you. It will it just sometimes takes time. Let go of your past and tear down your walls. Be Happy FIRST, before you start a new relationship.
Its not going to happen overnight, or through a magical formula or clinic that you attend. It may not happen through online dating or organically but don’t lose hope! It will happen, the best things in life take time and they will be worth the wait!