As many of you know, I’m currently in a graduate program to get my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy to which I plan on pursuing certification through the American Association of Sexual Educators, Councelors and Therapists (AASECT) and become a licensed, certified sex therapist/educator. I’ve always been the one that my friends (and family sometimes) go to for relationship advice. I’d consider myself pretty good at giving advice and try to be uplifting and helpful no matter what the question. Whether or not I’m always greatest at taking my own advice is another story. So a lot of people ask me random questions about sex, relationships etc.
One question I get alot is in regards to threesomes. Should you have one or not, if so what kind…etc etc. My suggestions on threesomes typically stays the same with anyone who asks me about them. Here’s what I’ve got to say on the topic!
You have to ask yourself some questions before you contemplate having a threesome with your partner.
Will you be jealous? I would consider myself a considerably jealous person and I know that I would not be able to enjoy a threesome because I don’t want to share my partner with anyone but me. Threesomes are not for me. If you know you’re jealous and you think that inviting another person into the relationship would cause that jealousy to spark…I’d stay away.
Are you comfortable with your sexuality? You have to be confident and comfortable with your sexuality. Both partners do. You have to be able to be comfortable stepping out side of your sexual comfort zone, if you don’t think your ready don’t do it!
Are you getting pressure from your partner? You shouldn’t feel pressured. This is a big one. If your partner is insistant about having a threesome but you’re still not quite sure if your ready for that then don’t do it. You should be comfortable with it and if you’re not then you won’t enjoy it and in the end it could create tensions within your relationshp. I’m a big advocate of not doing things you don’t like just because your partner wants you to. I do however think that certain things (i.e anal) can be different with each partner and it doesn’t hurt to try it if your comfortable. If you don’t like it, say so and don’t do it again. Your partner shouldn’t want you to do something you don’t like because they like it. You need to find a middle ground and both be comfortable and satisfied.
Are you on the same page as your partner as far as expectations go? Discuss what you both hope to get out of the sexual experience. Is it something you’d like to continue, is it a one time thing to fulfill a fantasy? Be sure to be on the same page so there is no miscommunications, hurt feelings or misunderstandings.
Threesomes are often glamourized on tv and in porn. In real life, there are emotions, expectations and a lot of different factors that go into deciding to have one with your partner. You have to be sure that you’re ready and that your relationships is ready for adding someone else in the mix. If you’re not sure, hold off until you are sure. Until then…find some other ways to add some spice to your relationship!