I told myself that while I was in Buenos Aires I would have all this amazing time to work on the blog, write a ton of stuff in advanced and just really rock it out of the park. Epic FAIL. As good as my intentions were, I’ve spent a lot of my time really relaxing, soaking up every spare minute I can with my boyfriend and all the other minutes enjoying (although gloomy and cold weather) Buenos Aires! I haven’t had a real vacation in probably 9 years…so relaxing is well deserved ok! Geesh!
So since I’ve not taken a vacation in 9 years…I figured today’s post would be about taking care of yourself first…even if your a mom. There was a story in the Post about Chirlane McCray, declaring that she was a “Bad Mom” and referenced an article in New York Magazine about how she struggled with balancing life as a mom and a professional. Its not easy, I’m sure for those who have careers and children, and shocker, not everyone is cut out for kids. But just because someone has a hard time balancing what they want, and what their kids want, doesn’t make them a bad mom at all!
I will fully admit that I have never wanted to have children. I have stuck to that desire to not have children from age 10 to now. I’ve always had to fight this never ending battle of telling people off for telling me how I feel about kids, or that I’ll change my mind, or that I shouldn’t worry because “It will happen some day, don’t worry!” Having children to me, equaled a lot of struggles that I would go through and my children would go through. I grew up pretty poor, my parents didn’t start having success until I was in High School, we were on aid programs and although we had somethings, our childhood was anything but luxury. I’m not saying our childhood wasn’t good, because it certainly was, my sisters and I have a very loving set of parents and other family members. We were treated well and are well loved! But we were not in the same economic class as many in my area. Which was ok, I learned a lot for the future. And I knew that there was no way in hell I’d want to have kids and have the chance of putting them in a similar situation. As I went through school, it was more and more obvious that there was no way that I would be able to support having children so my mantra of never having kids stuck!
And I’m still completely content with not having kids. I’m not going to go out of my way to have them, I’m not in a rush to be pushing a stroller, however, I did always tell myself, that if the right person came along and they really wanted children I would be happy to oblige as long as we were financially stable, able to contribute to a college education and maintained our lives as a couple and as individuals.
In my past relationships, I lost myself. I was a different person. I have watched friends, and family, loose themselves completely as they surrendered their lives to their relationships with their significant others (some of whom broke things off or were complete dicks) and others to their children. They have no identity beyond their kids, some of whom are grown up and moved away. That is a scary thing. What struck me with the Chirlane McCray story, is that all she wanted was to remain an individual, have her career! That does not make her a bad mom at all. Showing your children, particularly your daughters, that you are a fierce, independent and career oriented women is a great thing! And at the same time taking care of two children and your mother and mother in law at the same time! What a champion!
I think its so important to show your children that you are an individual and you want them to be one as well! I want any children I may have to say wow my mom is a rockstar! She has a fun, friends, a great job and she’s an awesome mom. And Look at her relationship with dad, its amazing!