Breakups suck. Its never easy, even if your the one doing the dumping. I’ve been through a few breakups, and both times (for long term, serious relationships) it was me doing the dumping. It didn’t make it any easier or less painful. But it did help me get through it.
As you know I”m going to school to become a Marriage therapist. Which ultimately isn’t my goal, but being a Sex therapist ultimately is going to include a ton of relationship work which is why you need a Masters in therapy. Plus it also allows me to expand my practice and see more than just sex therapy patients. Even though I won’t be graduating…for oh I don’t know…a million bajillion years (really its just 6…if I take one class at a time) I’m getting my practice in now, helping friends with dealing with breakups.
Here are some things I’ve learned…from personal experience and from helping others.
Its ok to be sad. Think of a breakup like the grieving process, your going to be in denial, be sad, get pissed and angry, and eventually you’ll learn to accept that its over. You have to acknowledge those phases and work through them, nobody said its going to be easy. In reality its going to be hard as fuck. Your emotions will be high and all over the place, but be ok with that. There’s nothing wrong with you if you cry alot. Just go with it.
Go Cold Turkey. No contact, whatsover. No texts, phone calls, emails, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, NADA. Not everyone agrees with this, but I’ve found its really one of the best ways to work through a breakup. Its hard to do, because you might be breaking a habit of texting someone every day or talking to them daily. And all your insides might be crawling because you just want to reach out, because maybe things will change, or get better. Cutting off contact allows you to heal without the confusion, back and forth and being pulled back in (especially if the relationship was really bad and you shouldn’t be trying to get dragged back into a bad relationship). Even if they reach out, keep your no contact rule, its hard, but if you know the breakup was for the best, wait until you are ready to approach a conversation with your ex without all the added emotion of your breakup.
Give yourself time. One of the things that I find a lot of people doing is rushing right into another relationship, before their previous one has even had time to be processed. Yeah rebounds can be helpful in getting you to move forward, but give it a few weeks before you jump into something new. That way you’ve given yourself enough time to process all the emotions that come along with a breakup. I stayed single for nearly 3 years before I was “ready” to really move into a serious relationship. I dated on and off for most of the time, but I still gave myself at least a few months before I got back into the dating scene. After a 4 year toxic relationship, you gotta take some time to heal.
Focus on you! Sometimes when a relationship ends it gives us a great opportunity to focus on somethings we might want to do for ourselves. Always wanted to go back to school? move to a new city? try a new hair style? When you’re single, its a great time to do the things you really want to do, that you maybe didn’t do before because you were in a relationship. Go for it!
Know it gets better. When a break up is really rough, and you think all hope is lost, you’ll never meet someone like your ex…don’t fret. YOU WILL! After two long term relationships, and about 2 years of dates that really went no where…I started to loose hope. But then when you least expect it, it will all change. It might not happen right away, it might take a few years. You might even date some duds in the middle…but eventually you will meet someone who is perfect for you! You just gotta stay optimistic and hang in there!
So what was your worst breakup? And how did you get through it??