Getting what you want from your partner…in bed!

I skipped posting Taboo Tuesdays yesterday because well I said ehhhh and I was trying to wrap my brain around observing not only a family member but also random people, in two days, when my family lives 400 miles away, plus I live alone (unless you count my dogs, but an interaction with them consists of: Here’s my toy, play with me. Scratch my ears, lick feet, lick everything, sleep on your legs till you sweat)  and I work in an office where we all sit huddled at our desks for most of the day….yeah. not. going. to. happen. Ahhhh the beautiful world of I got a degree in theater so I’m really good at pretending and going to a liberal arts school some how managed to develop my really awesome bullshitting skills.

Now I just need to make up a really good, academic sounding, observation of some made up people…and act like I know what I’m talking about. By midnight…tonight…preferably while I’m at work…between working on two giant projects that I also can’t do anything on because my boss hasn’t told me what he wants yet…

See why I skipped yesterday? Its been chaos! But I figured if I’m going to put off doing this assignment…might as well do something productive with my time (besides you know…being swamped with my project at work).

If I could get whatever I wanted today…it would be to go take a nap, have someone else write my assignment and do my work as well as spending the evening lounging in bed…not alone. But you know…the only thing I can get out of that list is the nap part and even thats a stretch.  As its now nearing 4pm and I’ve yet to even look at my assignment.

But how can you get what you want…specifically in the bedroom? 

Communicating our desires in the bedroom can be increadibly challenging for some. Many fear that their desires will be rejected or they will be judged based on what they want. But hey…you won’t ever get what you want unless you try right??

If you’re fearful of bringing up some kinky things you have wanted to try, or that you have already enjoyed but aren’t sure how to approach it…I find that turning it into a game where both individuals can talk about their desires and fantasies!

There are plenty of little games, notebooks, cards that have you talk about your desires in a fun, lighthearted way that helps you get past that fear of voicing your desires! I used to have a small little book that had a ton of little questions that you and your partner would fill out together with silly little questions like “How do you like it when you’re partner does this” or “Do you pee in the shower” kinda stuff. I filled it out with my ex and I thought it was fun and silly (he on the other hand thought it was stupid) But if you turn it into a fun little foreplay session…they may just be up for it!

Here’s an example of a book! Here!


Or try a little card game like this one here

download (1)


As I’ve suggested a million times before, if you’re not ready to speak up verbally, try visually! Try a position book with pictures, or a book that has picures that describes how you want your partner to please you. Get one that does the same for them and highlight and swap!

Tickle His Pickle Tickle Your Fancy






Books like these are a great option! Pictures are a great way to communicate!





Watch porn together. Its a great way to visually see some positions, new techniques or encorporate some role-play into your relationship. Just remember to be realistic, don’t compare yourself to the abilities/skills of the actors and remember a lot of it can be exaggerated. Have open communication before, especially if you know there are things you are not into. And be prepared to offer up compromises and alternatives! Find a middle ground that you both can agree on and that you’re both comfortable with!

Do you have some other fun ways to help get what you want in the bedroom?? Share them with me!


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