Taboo Tuesdays!

So dealbreakers aren’t really a taboo…but sometimes being too selective can provide you with some missed opportunities. And who wants to miss out on what could be a great relationship if the other person just so happens to have one of your dealbreakers on file?!

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I spent about 3 years figuring out who I was, what I wanted and where I was going but also who I was looking for in a partner. I did it all, dated guys I met at bars, guys I worked with (which is a bad bad bad idea…for some it works, but for most, it doesnt) and the never ending cycle of online dating from Match to OKCupid to Plenty of Fish, I got past the eighteen gazillion questions for EHarmony but then was like…this shit is too much. So over the course of 3 years I went on a bazillion dates. My first year I went for anyone that was the EXACT opposite of my ex, everything from personality to appearance. And I had one dealbreaker that was an absolute no go. And that was a no cop policy. It was a personal preference as I dated one for 4 years and had no desire to make a repeat. (And yes I know, they’re not all the same…I just didn’t want to be in the cop’s girlfriend/wife life sytle again). I’m also terribly allergic to cats so a dude with cats was not going to work…

But here’s what I did learn, I learned to loosen up on everything else. I thought for sure I wanted to find someone who was the all american, attractive, into sports, having a good time, great in the sack, good job with lots of ambition (think doc, lawyer, etc) and was ready to settle down. But I also wanted someone who was not controlling, was over a certain height, super in shape (but not a meat-head), had dark hair, dark eyes, didn’t want kids, wasn’t intimidated by my career goals, and could make me laugh, but was also interesting, smart, well traveled, had a sense of adventure and would love my dogs like they would love children (this last one is very important). I definitely went out with guys who had lots of those attributes, and others that I sat across the bar wondering how I could get out. ย For the most part they were boring. Just plain boring. So I started breaking my rules…relaxing a little. Going out with “gasp” a cop, guys who didn’t really meet my physical requirements (I even went on a date with a guy who’s 5’10″…I’m 6’1″ with heels) and guys who weren’t interested in a realtionship.

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I broke my rules and what did I get? Almost all of the above. It was worth it too! ย And thank goodness he doesn’t have cats, nor is he a cop! But by taking a chance, and breaking your rules and jumping in headfirst is sometimes going to get you to the place you want to land. Now I have all those things I wanted; good job, great personality, attractive, very tall (my favorite!), smart, funny and interesting…and he’s coming around to my pups! (and I know he’s reading haha)

But I’m not the only one who broke the rules, I’ve had friends who went outside their comfortzone, vowing never to date someone younger (now with someone who is a few years younger and been together for over a year),and another who found someone outside the typical guy she dated (now practically inseparable). ย In the end breaking the rules, had the best outcome! So it might be worth it to get your rules a break and give that person you might not consider a chance. It doesn’t mean it will be a guarantee to work, but its worth a shot right?! And if you’re allergic to cats and they have 3…that might be one to stay away from…

 

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